Before I started any hormone treatment (i.e. pre-1994) I was attracted only to girls, sometimes strongly, although I had a very inactive sex life.  After beginning hormones I continued to like women but my physical attraction to them quickly dropped to nearly zero, and only mildly revived during the periods I came off hormones.  Men also continued to have little sexual interest to me, although I sometimes awoke in the morning realising that that I had been dreaming about men in what could only be called a sexual way, which I initially found very strange. 

From 1995 I often socialised at night en-femme, and a snog and a grope sometimes became inevitable and occasionally enjoyable.  After a few glasses of wine there were even a few instances when I would find a guy attractive and encourage him, but I was always very conscious where his hands were and the dangers involved.

For many years before my transition in late 2000 I regularly went out in public as a woman, usually for just a few hours or a day, but eventually for weeks.  At the risk of being totally politically incorrect, one thing soon became clear to me - like it or lump it, below a certain age being a woman involves being considered by men as a sex object and a potential repository for their sperm - you have no choice about it.  Women who think otherwise are either not seeing the wood for the tree's, or are simply trying to deny thousands of years of evolution and social development.

Getting back to Sex...
After I transitioned I started to regain some libido after years of almost no sexual urges, but a basic change in my sexual orientation occurred - I began to seriously fancy men.  The reasons for this are difficult to analyse, but with hindsight they perhaps come in five overlapping parts:

1. The long term bombardment of "female" signals that my body and subconscious mind was getting from hormones and anti-androgens.

2. A latent sexuality and attraction to men was triggered by me living full-time and increasingly being a woman - mentally and physically.

3. I wanted to be attracted to men and actively sought this. 

4. There was an enormous change in how both men and other women socialised and interacted with me, I was expected to be attracted to men rather than women (even if they knew I was MTF).

5. Some men clearly found me attractive as a woman, and it was strangely hard not to respond to this if they weren't positively ugly.

If I was going to be a sex object for men (and anything otherwise indicated a failure by me to "pass") I wanted to be able to enjoy it, and occasionally even pay back the compliment!  I began to actively examine men and consider whether they were "hot", if I was vaguely attracted to them at all I would try to imagine kissing them and then being in bed with them.  I also watched romantic old movies and soft-porn movies and imagined that I was the female star.  Reading women's and teenager magazines was very important in helping me to help develop a female sexual orientation and point of view.  I can certainly recommend teenage girl mags for advice on sex, love and men that is just as applicable to the inexperienced heterosexual transsexual woman!

I was initially amazed at myself when I realised that I actually fancied a man, but after just a few months I could contentedly contemplate an attractive man and both regard him as desirable and enjoy in my imagination thoughts that would have been even disgusting to me before I transitioned.  Indeed, some conversations with men began to result in severe distraction and blushing on my part!  Also, as I gained more confidence I started to relax and began to try out an essential female pastime - flirting with men. 

I spent many hours imaging myself as the woman in these situations.

I became increasing curious and even eager do more than imagine intimacy with a man, however it was nearly a year after my transition before I actually did anything.  About 6 months after my transition I was both panicking and flattered to discover that I had acquired a determined would be boy-friend at work.  It was about 2 months after I had started the job and by then I knew that I had been outed.  One well meaning friend suggested that he was a "tranny chaser" but thankfully I was absolutely sure that his interest had started well before any gossip about my sex, and that the later was not the reason for his excessive but endearing attempts to woo me.  Given subsequent developments, I felt that he was actually being very brave in continuing to chase me.

His persistence gradually led to a kind of acceptance on my part, indeed after a while it became strange if he was not beside him if we went to the pub after work, or to some other social "do".  Our physical relations were very limited - we were both shy and nervous about anything more than a quick good night kiss, although someone latter showed me photo's taken at various occasions which caught us holding hands at every one!

In October 2001 - after we had been going out together for four months by his reckoning - he persuaded me to go on holiday to Cyprus with him.  Cleverly he gave me absolutely no time to think or worry about it, and defeated my slight resistance with "it's already paid for and arranged".  After some frantic shopping and packing we were on the way to Cyprus just two days later - but while still at work I received extensive encouragement and tips from girls who had hardly ever spoken to me before, clearly we were the gossip of the day! 

As we took off (holding hands) I finally felt that I actually had a boyfriend and that I was now someone's girlfriend.  When we arrived at the hotel the promised single rooms turned out to be one double - he still claims that it was a mistake.  It was that room or nothing, and he was certainly a total gentleman that night - for days I had been mentally preparing myself to make love with him, and I even began to worry that he had a "problem" as I lay awake most of the night waiting for something to happen.  One thing very much on my mind was that we were on the verge of being intimate as a man & woman without ever having openly discussed my "condition".

The next day our initial shyness faded as the wine flowed and we cuddled and then kissed and began to explore each other - he's always maintained that because I took my top off I was in fact the initiator of what happened thereafter! 

There was soon no holding either of us back and although getting the reactions and behaviour automatically right when woken at 4:00 am by the groping of an already aroused man takes a little practice and effort, I learnt rapidly and mostly loved it all - even when hung-over and tired.  

Constantly being held, massaged, stroked and even intimately fondled was strange and even uncomfortable at first, but soon became enjoyable and then expected.  I began to miss it, and eventually to worry, when he wasn't touching me.

I also slowly started to have fun discovering how to excite and please him as a woman - initially in private but as I learnt his turn-on's I increasingly teased him in the most public places that I could find!  Courting and making love to a man as a woman is different from making love to a woman as a man - it was wonderful to be woo'ed and pampered and wonder what he was going to try next, frustrate him, slowly start to give in, and then surprise him!  

Obviously penetrative vaginal intercourse was impossible for me, but in bed we both discovered that some areas of my body were wonderfully - almost ridiculously - sensitive to physical stimulation.   I also found out how to keep him satisfied while all but asleep myself! 

To my great relief, having sexual intimacy with a man was suddenly acceptable to myself and I found my eyes wandering and body quivering at passing hunks - I loved it, my female side had finally conquered my male side.  During the holiday I had many wonderful experiences that I'll always remember and still treasure. 

My Breasts
After I started hormones, my budding breasts were a constant source of grief pre-transition, and were hated by a female partner.  It was fantastic to suddenly have a boyfriend who enjoyed them immensely, indeed they were essential for him to be sexually excited by my body and be able to accept me as a woman.  They were central to our physical relationship, and the cause of my purchase of many a low cut top and wonderbra.  But he was (is!) a self acknowledged "boob man", and wanted even more.  My present on our first Christmas together was breast augmentation surgery.  I had very mixed feeling about it, but nevertheless in January 2002 I had surgery at a local clinic to increase my bra cup size from a small B to a full C.  You can read much more about it here.   Initially I tried hard to be unimpressed, but when I lifted all restrictions it was impossible for me not to be delighted by his reaction in private and pride in me in public, and I couldn't help but notice and enjoy the additional glances that my bosom was getting. 

Since then I've realised that the real function of breasts is to give a man's hands something to play with until he doze's or fall's asleep just when the woman is getting interested - although a soft bra in bed has become an accepted signal for us if I'm definitely not in the mood, or simply too tired for anything.

My Orchidectomy
In May 2002 I had a bilateral orchidectomy.  This involved a visit to a clinic in England, where it was performed on an out-patient basis.  The cost was very low compared with SRS.  It's hard for me to judge the results and effects - psychological as well as physiological - that have since occurred, but I think they are all positive.  Since the orchidectomy my occasional but sometimes strong inclinations to revert to male have ceased and I find that I now automatically consider myself as female in gender sensitive situations, although I'm not sure how much of that is due to the growing relationship with my boyfriend which has become so important to me.

Note:  If you are considering having an orchidectomy then it's important to remember that the results of a subsequent vaginoplasty will tend to be less satisfactory (e.g. reduced vaginal depth) because there is less material to work.  For this reason some surgeons - including Dr Suporn Watanyuskul (my intended surgeon) - are reluctant (although unlikely to refuse!) to perform SRS on patients who have already had an orchidectomy  A general guideline is that if you expect to have SRS within two years then an immediate orchidectomy is probably inappropriate for you.

You can read a little more about me here.