|
A
rarely noted fact is that many, perhaps even a majority, of
male-to-female transsexual women are mothers. This may be to their
own children conceived before having SRS, as a step-mum to their
partner's children, or as the mother of adopted children.
Own Children
A
transsexual women who transitioned and had surgery by her early 20's is
very unlikely to have conceived children as a father, typically such transsexuals
rarely have sexual relationships with women
as a man, and are often still consider themselves to be virgins at the time of their SRS. However as
the age of transition increases then the likelihood of children
increases. It seems probable that MTF women who transitioned
in their late 30's or older, are as statistically as likely to have been
married and had children as any men, certainly the limited
circumstantial information backs this hypothesis.
|
Former
Dad, now "Mom",
Michelle with her two children. |
Michelle describes
how she coped with becoming a mother after her transition at age 30:
"I
was confident that being as open and honest as possible would
encourage others to be the same. Let’s face it -- female
Daddies tend to attract some intriguing questions. I have
gradually encouraged my children to call me MJ instead of Daddy,
and they are slowly getting used to people referring to me as
their Mom. Having two Moms in their lives makes things
complicated sometimes, and causes friction between their
biological mother and myself. Although I do not wish to compete
for the Mom title, it is not socially acceptable for my children
to have a female Dad. Keeping the kids interests at heart, it
seems easier to allow people to refer to me as their mom, rather
than teaching the kids to correct strangers at every turn. I am
often accused of "stealing the title". Without having
experienced the pain of labour I am apparently unqualified to
claim Mom. I believe that how we love and nurture our children
is more important than a label, particularly when considering
the child’s comfort level in dealing with society. I’m their
biological parent and am very proud of that fact. Isn’t there
room in their lives for two Mommies? We are still struggling as
parents with this issue."
"Father" Lisa-Anne
with daughter Michelle. Lisa-Anne delayed her SRS until
the mother became pregnant, but was 6 months post-surgery by the
time of the birth. |
It's
often been suggested, even in court, that having their father become a
woman must be a traumatic and emotionally scaring process for the
children. But contrarily studies have revealed, perhaps
against expectations, no evidence of any physiological, sociological, or
gender identity damage to such children. Also, statistically the
children are no more likely to grow up homosexual or transgender'ed than
any other children. For example one key study, "Transsexuals'
Children" by Dr R Green concludes:
"Available
evidence does not support concerns that a parent’s
transsexualism directly adversely impacts on the children. By
contrast, there is extensive clinical experience showing the
detriment to children in consequence of terminated contact with
a parent after divorce.
.....
Continuing contact between transsexual parents and their
children has met with significant opposition. Two areas of
concern are effects on the gender identity of the children and
reactions by the children’s peer group. Eighteen
children, 10 boys, 8 girls of 9 transsexual parents, have been
evaluated. Their ages range from 5-16 years. All live with or
have regular contact with their transsexual parent. No child has
gender identity disorder. No child has had extensive
conflict with the peer group. All continue positive
relationships with their transsexual parent."
After
a fathers transition and subsequent SRS, there are several
possibilities:
|
Hazel (right) with her former
wife, June, and their children |
1.
The parents remain together and the children effectively have
two mothers.
It is
reported that the incidence of male-to-female
"transwomen" remaining legally married to their wives
is very small. However, despite the former husband's SRS
some couples still feel a very strong bond linking them.
It's not
unknown for such couples to continue to live together, and not
just for the sake of any children. This
situation is also the simplest from a legal point of view, there
normally being no effect on the legal status of an existing marriage
when one of the spouses transitions. So long as both spouses want
to stay in the marriage and continue to live as a married couple, many
"same-sex married couples" in this situation have avoided
legal problems, in large part because there are relatively few
situations in which anyone other than one of the spouses has legal
standing to challenge the validity of a marriage. Legal problems
may arise when one spouse dies and the other attempts to collect
survivorship benefits or to claim inheritance or other tax benefits that
are restricted to married couples. Alternatively, an employer may
challenge the validity of the marriage in the context of trying to
exclude the spouse from an employer-provided health plan.
|
Mary, with her sons Mark and Llewellyn
For many
years Dr Renee Richards
only visited her son Nicholas dressed
as a man |
2.
The parent separate, the maternal mother having custody but the
father has regular access and visitation rights.
The most
common outcome. However the transsexual mother faces
severe challenges if her rights to see the child are challenged
by anyone. For example one American court has terminated a
transsexual mother's parental rights - characterizing the
male-to-female transsexual parent as "selfish" and
holding that "it was strictly Tim Daly's choice to discard
his fatherhood and assume the role of a female who could never
be either mother or sister to his daughter". Another
court imposed an indefinite moratorium on visitation rights for
male-to-female parent, finding that it would be emotionally
confusing for the children to see their father as a woman -
despite no evidence being presented that would justify this
decision.
It's
also not unknown for a court to only grant the former father
visitation rights to her children if she agrees to hide her
transsexuality, for example only visiting them dressed,
appearing and behaving as a man. 3.
The parents separate, the former father having custody
|
Stephanie Anne Lloyd and her husband. She has an alienated
ex-wife and two sons. |
Transgendered
and transsexual parents face tremendous discrimination in the
child custody area. Awarding custody of children to
a transsexual mother (the former father) is still very rare, but
thankfully no longer completely unknown. Hopefully it will
become an increasingly acceptable award by open-minded judges in
disputed custody cases.
Courts
may sometimes only grant custody to a transsexual mother when
she agrees to hide transsexual status, for example awarding
custody to a gender dysphoric father only when the father agrees
to undergo therapy and "to maintain his male
identity". Another requirement may be regular checks
by a psychiatrist to confirm that there is no evidence the child
manifests any gender atypical behaviours or gender identity
problems. |
Father's
sex change does not alter custody, court says
February 2,
2001
by Anne Marie Owens
National Post Online
A
father's decision to change his gender from male to female does
not constitute a material change in circumstances sufficient to
warrant altering a child custody arrangement, an Ontario court
has ruled.
The
recent ruling sets out the premise in family law that a person's
transsexuality is irrelevant on its own as a factor in his or
her ability to be a good parent.
The
custody dispute was launched by Margaret Saliba after learning
Howard Forrester, with whom she had lived for three years and
had one child, wanted to live his life as a woman and declared
himself to be a lesbian.
The
child's father has officially changed his first name from Howard
to Leslie, and altered his appearance to appear as a
woman. He lives his life as a woman, although there have
been no surgical changes so far to accompany this transition
from male to female.
Prior
to the revelation about transsexuality, the couple had agreed to
an equal-time custody arrangement.
In
custody disputes, any parent seeking a material change in the
terms of his or her custody agreement must demonstrate to the
court there has been a material change in the circumstances
affecting the child.
In this
case, Justice Theo Wolder, of the Ontario Court of Justice in
Brampton, ruled "the applicant's transsexuality, in itself,
without further evidence, would not constitute a material change
in circumstances, nor would it be considered a negative factor
in custody determination."
Joanna
Radbord, the Toronto lawyer who defended the father, said the
decision could inspire other transsexuals, who often give up
fighting for custody because they assume the justice system will
be biased against them.
"We
live in a transphobic culture ... but it's clear that the test
for custody and access is always the best interests of the
child," said Ms. Radbord, who described the relationship
between father and child in this case as amazing.
"The
best thing for a child in any custody dispute is for both
parents to have equal access," the father said in an
interview. "If you actually love your child, that
should be the issue. You're supposed to want what's best
for your child."
In his
ruling, Judge Wolder said the evidence showed a happy child who
has positive relationships with both parents.
"Frankly,
it is remarkable how little impact all this storm swirling about
the parties has had upon this little girl," he said.
"It appears from the evidence that [she] is a very
well-adjusted, happy, healthy little girl, who in her own way
has been able to accept the changes in her father and continues
to enjoy a healthy relationship with her father, now a woman
psychologically."
The
child, who is six, uses both Mommy and Daddy to refer to her
father, although she is cautious about using Daddy in public
when people might overhear.
The
father says most people do not know she is genetically a man and
believe she is a single mother: "I think right now it's
easier for kids and society to deal with two moms than it is to
deal with the whole trans issue."
Ms.
Saliba and Mr. Forrester began living together in March,
1994. Their child was born in November of that year.
Ms.
Saliba testified it was a "perfect situation every woman
would want in a husband." She said she wanted to
marry Mr. Forrester, a daycare worker who did most of the
cooking, cleaning and ironing at home and was a major caregiver
for his daughter.
"Leslie
prepared food for [her], read to her, did the morning and
bedtime routine, and shared playtime with [her]. Leslie
stayed up nights with her, with the parties taking turns
comforting [her] to sleep," court documents say.
"Most nights, it would end up that Leslie would have [the
baby] on her chest until [she] fell asleep."
The
couple separated in 1996 and agreed to equal custody.
In July,
1997, the transsexuality was revealed to Ms. Saliba.
"There
is no doubt that the disclosure of her transsexuality and of her
wish to undergo a change of sex from male to female had a
devastating impact upon [Ms. Saliba]," the judge said.
The
custody case was launched in the spring of 1999, when it was
clear the child's father was intent on living life as a woman.
An
initial access order prohibited the father from taking the child
to "neighbourhoods known to be frequented by
transsexuals."
The
stress in the relationship over the father's move from male to
female did not appear to have an impact on the child, who was
three years old when the process began, the court heard.
A
psychological test found the child was free from any gender
identity problems.
"She
was so young that they don't really have a sense of their own
gender so they're very open," said Ms. Radbord.
"She's always known her father as a woman. It's all
she's understood." |
4.
The parents separate, and the former father voluntarily or involuntarily
has no contact with the children
Sadly
as documented above there are occasions where a court may deny the
former father any access rights to his children. There are also
instances where the former father, perhaps trying to put his male past
behind him, does not wish to see his children which represent an
uncomfortable or inconvenient reminder.
5.
The parents have children before both have sex change surgery
This is an extremely rare occurrence, but it does happen! One
example is Chris Johnson (previously Anne) and Cathy Brown (previously
Eugene). They met, fell in love at first sight, and decided to
have a child before pursuing the sex changes they both
desired. They subsequently write a book, The Gender Trap,
about their experiences and the birth of their daughter.
In
such circumstances both the marriage and custody of the children is
fully legal in all countries. It's up to the parents to determine
who's the baby's mother and father... ideally within days or at worst a
few months if the baby is to bond to it's rearing mother and avoid, or
at least minimise, any psychological disturbance. By six months
the baby has irreversibly identified who it's mother is.
Adoption
Post
sex reassignment surgery (SRS) women are infertile, lacking a uterus,
ovaries, or eggs there is no possibility that can become pregnant.
Thus if a transsexual woman and her husband want to become parents,
inevitably adoption is popular option.
Adoption
is a court procedure by which an adult legally becomes the parent of
someone who is not his or her biological child.
Michele had SRS at a very young age (16 - inset) and married when still just 19.
With strong
maternal feelings, against all the odds she was able to adopt three children
and is
now a 40-something grandmother. |
A
cursory examination of the Internet and the media would not seem to
indicate that many transsexual women fall in to the "the husband
and 2 kids" category. However as is often the case,
appearances can be very deceptive.
There
is no doubt that in fact many transwomen do happily marry and want
children. The perceived low incidence is undoubtedly caused in
part caused by the lack of publicity that many transwomen and their
families seek. Accurate statistics are unavailable, but it is
likely that 20-30% of transsexual women pass so convincingly that they
can be "assimilated" in to society as unquestionably a woman,
in some cases hiding their past life so completely (i.e. going
"stealthy") that even their husband or partner does not know
of their transsexuality. [There is no doubt that transwomen fear
that a relationship with a man could not survive him knowing of her
transsexuality. One study
found that nearly half of the women it surveyed could - and presumably
had - kept their transsexualism a secret from all partners with whom
they had had sexual relationships since surgery!]
Many transsexual
women eventually settle down and marry, or enter in to long term
relationships with a man, indeed clinical follow-up studies show that
about 10% of transsexual women describe themselves simply as
housewives or homemakers! And many such women then also want (or perhaps their
partners do) children, obviously explaining to their husband that
they are infertile for some reason, even if they hide the full
story.
For such a couple
seeking to have children, there are two main options:
|
Transwaman Heather with her children. She apparently
became a father when still very young. |
1.
Adoption of a child through an Adoption Agency.
2. Find a surrogate mother and adopt the resulting baby.
Unfortunately
a couple seeking to legally adopt children will face a major
hurdle with most adoption agencies, in that they should
preferably be legally married. If the wife is a
transsexual this is unfortunately often not be the case, in most
countries it is extremely hard for a transwoman to legally marry
a man unless she possess a birth certificate stating her sex as
female, something which is also very hard to obtain. If
the couple is not legally married, or more probably the
documentation they can present is inadequate, it is unlikely
that adoption agencies will consider them, indeed they find
themselves to be rather less acceptable than same sex lesbian or
homosexual couples in long-term relationships which
"Politically Correct" adoption agencies will nowadays
increasingly consider. However,
transsexual women wishing to marry can and do tell lies, forge or alter
their birth certificate, emphasise a "female" passport, "forget" or "lose"
inconvenient documents, and take other measures to persuade or even deceive the church
and registrar . Many transsexual women are successful in having an
apparently legal wedding, and in gaining an official marriage
certificate. The couple may thus be able to provide all the
necessary and acceptable documentation to an adoption agency, and this
case they are in nearly the same position as any other couple during the
adoption process.
Normal
Adoption Process
The actual adoption process through an Adoption Agency is for
good reasons fairly long and complex:
Once
the couple has made the decision to adopt a child, the next step is to
do some research (e.g. via the many books on adoption, or on the
Internet) to prepare themselves for the qualification process. They can
then contact a licensed adoption agency, these can be public or
private, the couple will generally be enrolled in a pre-adoption class
and then scheduled for the "homestudy" to begin.
|
Kelly
Scott, formerly Barry:
"I'd love to adopt and one day
hopefully be a mother"
|
The
homestudy is the critical piece in the pre-adoption process. No
one can adopt a child without a successfully completed
homestudy. This is not a simple visit to the house (or
apartment), but as the name implies, a study of the "home"
they will be providing to a child. The study consists of a
myriad of items including reference and background checks,
financial statements, and personal visits from
caseworkers. The homestudy process can take from 6 weeks
to three months depending on the agency and the individual
particulars of the couple's situation. The homestudy will
include two hurdles of particular relevance to transsexual women
as they may potentially present problems:
Personal
History - She will be asked to provide in writing or through an
interview information describing the family in which she grew up, how
she was disciplined as a child, educational experiences, life
experiences, successes and history of coping with problems.
References - She will be asked to provide the names, addresses
and phone numbers of at least five individuals who can speak of her
characteristics and her experience with children.
The
entire adoption process can take 6 months to one year to complete.
After the homestudy is completed the process of matching the couple with
an appropriate child takes place. Once a child has been found,
they will spend up to six months with the couple before the adoption is
finalized. This period is usually supervised by the agency and a
report made to the court on the process of the child's placement.
A social worker will visit the home several times to assess the child's
progress and prepare a written report for the court.
Transsexual actress Antonia San Juan
stars in the film "All About My Mother", a wonderful study of
the relationship between mothers and their natural or surrogate
children. |
Surrogacy
An option that is increasingly pursued by childless couples
desiring a baby is use of a surrogate mother. Assuming that the
wife is a transwoman, the most common technique used is via
"Artificial Insemination" (AI) - the surrogate mother is
artificially inseminated with the sperm from the husband of the
couple. The child is genetically related to the surrogate and the
husband, but not the wife. The wife of the couple adopts the child
via a step-parent adoption.
The
surrogate mother is commonly selected by the couple because of her
location or physical similarity. Others want a surrogate who is
intelligent. All couples, however, look for a woman who is
healthy, has no significant medical/psychological difficulties, is
emotionally and mentally stable, conceives easily, and who is
responsible and mature enough to realize that the couple is placing an
enormous amount of trust in her to carry their child. In most
reputable programmes the potential surrogate mother must be between
18-35 and have previously had a child. While some agencies tend to
seek out poor women highly motivated by the fee payable to her (usually
between $10,000 and $15,000, although sums as high $30,000 are not
unknown), the typical surrogate is perhaps 28, married, employed, and
solidly middle class.
Obviously
using a surrogate mother unrelated to the wife means that the
later will not be genetically related to her new baby in any
way. This can be partially resolved if a close female
relative (sister or mother) of the wife is willing to act as the
surrogate mother using AI, or at least as an egg donor for
what's termed IVF/ED - In vitro fertilization with an egg
donor. In this technique the female relative's eggs are
combined with the sperm from the husband, and the resulting
embryos are then transferred to a surrogate.
|
"Tula
- her dream to come true". Caroline
Cossey's request to her sister to have a baby
for her got considerable publicity in the UK. |
An
alternative variation is if the wife had sperm frozen before her SRS, an
increasingly common practice. This sperm could be used to
fertilise an egg from a female relative of the husband, again strongly
linking any baby genetically to both parents.
With
IVF/ED the [hopefully] resulting baby is not genetically related to the
surrogate, and only the husband's name usually goes on the birth
certificate. If legally married, the wife of the couple can then
adopt the child, as with the AI procedure. The wife will be as
closely related to the baby as she would be to any niece or nephew - and
both herself and others will undoubtedly very happily recognise many
features and characteristics of the "mother" in the baby.
Finalisation
of Adoption
Finally there will be legalization or "Finalisation" of the
child's adoption. This is the legal act that establishes a
family connection between the adopting person(s) and the adopted person.
Done in a court setting, this act creates a parent-child relationship
and grants rights and responsibilities to the adoptive parents and child
that are equal to those rights and responsibilities granted to families
created by birth - including child support obligations, inheritance
rights and custody. The birthparents' legal relationship to the
child is terminated, unless the adoption is a stepparent adoption, in
which case only the parent without custody loses parental rights.
|
After
the Adoption
After finalisation the women becomes the legal guardian
of the children, effectively its mother for all legal and
practical purposes.
However
there still remains a potential problem that natal
"XX" women don't face. The validity of the
transwoman's marriage could still be potentially challenged
later, and thus the woman at least remains in a potentially
vulnerable legal situation as a parent, and even as a wife in
most countries. For example, in the event of marital
problems it would be very easy for the husband to get the
marriage annulled or voided (note, not a divorce as the marriage
was never legal) on the grounds that his wife is a
transsexual. A typical legal judgment is along the lines
of "there is no authority .... for the issuance of a
marriage license to consummate a marriage between a
post-operative male to female transsexual person and a male
person". If it's successfully argued that the
marriage was never valid, then the transsexual woman's parental
status and parental rights may well be jeopardized. In
such circumstances its not unusual for the children
to be taken in to care, or at least have sole custody awarded to
the ex-husband.
|
Marriage
of transsexual outside law, says judge
by Clare Dyer, legal correspondent
Friday November 3, 2000
The Guardian
A transsexual who became a bride after a sex change
operation lost her high court battle to have her
marriage declared legal yesterday.
Mr
Justice Johnson said during the hearing last month that
he was "sympathetic" towards Elizabeth
Bellinger. But yesterday he said the law as it stood
prevented him declaring the marriage valid.
Mrs
Bellinger, 54, who married husband Michael at Southwark
register office in south London in 1981 is one of a few
transsexuals in Britain who have gone through a marriage
ceremony. She brought up the five-year-old daughter of
her husband, a widower, with the approval of a judge.
For
nearly 20 years, only her husband knew her secret. But
two years ago she went public in an interview with the
Guardian at the start of a campaign to have her marriage
legally recognised.
......
Mr and Mrs Bellinger
|
|
| Vatican:
Transsexual Adoption an Insult
Saturday,
June 26, 1999
By Daniel Schweimler in Madrid
BBC
News
The
Vatican has strongly criticised the decision by a court
in Spain to give custody of an 11-year-old girl to a
transsexual.
The
transsexual, called Eva but born Alfredo, says she is a
good mother and a devout Catholic who will continue
sending her adopted daughter to a convent school.
The
girl's natural mother died when she was a year old and
her father, who lived as a couple with Eva for many
years, died two-and-a-half years ago.
The
Vatican, in its official newspaper, called the decision
by the court in the southern city of Seville repugnant.
It
said the ruling was an insult to the institution of the
family. The Vatican also said it resented the fact
that many courts in the European Union appeared to be
making similar decisions.
The
11-year-old girl, who has not been named, first lost her
natural mother when she was a year old. She was
then brought up by her natural father and his new
partner, a transsexual called Eva, who legally is still
considered a man.
The
father died in February 1997 and Eva continued to care
for the daughter until her maternal grandparents took
her away and looked after her for 18 days. There
then followed a long battle in the courts for custody of
the girl. The courts first sided with the
grandparents, but an appeal court decided Eva would be
the girl's best guardian.
Eva
says she is a good mother and a devout Catholic who will
continue to send the girl to a school run by nuns.
I believe in equality for all, said Eva, who says she
has always felt as though she were a woman.
She
is now in the process of changing sex and is saving the
money for a full sex change operation. Eva
says everyone knows her situation and she is accepted by
the people in her neighbourhood and by the other mothers
at the girl's school.
Psychiatric
reports ordered by the courts say the girl is
well-balanced and accepts Eva as her mother.
Spain
is a fast-modernising, increasingly liberal country but
Eva's situation is still a long way from being accepted
by all elements of the society. |
|
Sex
change no bar to adoption
By
Clare Sterling
July 22, 2000
Times Newspapers
Men
and women who have sex change operations may be allowed to
legally marry and adopt children. A Home Office
consultation document is set to be launched on legal
recognition for the new genders of transsexuals.
If
the law is changed, it would also enable transsexuals to
inherit family titles and property. While ministers
privately fear a public outcry similar to that provoked by
repeal of Section 28 if new legislation is adopted, they
are mindful that the Government could be forced to make
the changes after the Human Rights Act comes into force in
October. The Act is expected to lead to challenges
to existing laws.
.....
Many
transsexuals marry illegally in Britain, but it can be
declared null and void if discovered.
It
is also illegal for them to adopt. Last year
transsexuals won a court battle for protection under the
Sex Discrimination Act and recently won the right to
remain in the Armed Forces.
They
are able to have their new gender recorded on passports
and driving licences but not birth certificates. |
Kurara Motoki |
The Step-Mum
If a
transsexual woman marries a man with children from a previous marriage,
she can seek to adopt them as a step-mum. This will gives her full
legal rights and responsibilities as a parent and their mother.
However as already indicated above, if the legitimacy and legality of
the marriage was ever challenged, the marriage would almost certainly be
annulled or voided given the way the law currently stands in most
countries, she would then be in a very vulnerable legal situation as a
parent.
Do
Transwomen make Good Mothers?
Of
course this is an impossible question to actually answer. It's
like asking "do men make good fathers"?
The
only reasonable answer is that some make very good mothers,
while others may make very poor mothers. However it's
also reasonable to suppose that transsexual women who actively
seek marriage and children, or actively seek custody of their own
children, are at least as likely to be as good a mother as any other
woman. Conversely, it can be supposed that transsexual
women who don't want to be a mother
are less likely to actually be put in this situation than
fertile natal "XX" women.
|
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